TheKaless

Why do we all... get up in the morning? Why is it so bad to die? Why... WHY do we live on throught everything life throws at us?

I have a friend, and he is about the most awesome and crazy person I've ever met. And even though I don't know that much about him, or even know him that well, he is one of those I will miss the most when I move. Him being that crazy ass lunatic, well it makes my day so much better, every time I meet him.

Well, as mentioned, I don't really know that much about him. I know what my other friends have told me, and I know what he jokingly says himself. And him being... So happy-ish. So... crazy and joking and smiling as if he were to show ALL his teeth... that is, indeed, incredible. I look up to him in a way that is nearly impossible to describe. Because all he's been through, I have only the deepest respect for him, getting up every morning and facing the world in his... well crazy ass way really.

I can't help but wonder why though. I have never known anyone that killed themselves. I have never known...
What I have known, is a bunch of people that want to, and even a couple who've tried. Why does humans have this... constant need to live? I know we're made to reproduce and survive, but as emotions have evolved and all... why?

I think most people's goal in life is to find meaning. Is that what drives them? Another day, another search for meaning? Something that would make life worth the struggle?

If anyone have answers, I would be happy to hear it. What DOES get you up in the morning? Why DO you tolerate all the crap life throws at you? Simply cause you love your family? Or your job? Cat?

Tell me, I hunger to know.

I want to go to sleep, but STAR WARS.
Star Wars, VI is on my extremely laggy tv. I hate lagg.....
But star wars.

To be honest, it isn't that long since I saw Star Wars for the first time. I have only seen the three first episodes, 4-5-6. I'll see the three others some time soon I guess.

And not to be a total ass, but when Darth Vader takes off his mask, the first thing that hit me is how dry his skin looks...

God damn god I love those qute cozy teddy bears! So cute!

I wonder... about that burning the corps of a loved one... In some ways I guess it's nice, but at the same time... would it not be...

Alright, I'm commenting on the movie as I watch it. And it sucks, I mean, I'm not saying anything reasonable. I like star wars. A lot. Even more for every time I get to know it better.

But it is time for the sleepy onec to sleep. I'll just post the link to the Scy game first. It's not actually finished, but it'll have to do for now.

Awakening - Switchfoot
It's on my ears right now, and I enjoy it. I like switchfoot a lot, and I heared of the the first time from the song "This Is Home", from the Narnia soundtrack.

Other than that, I'm greeting some old favorites a wonderful hello as I go through the old playlist. The songs that gave me the chills, still do. Here is the list of my favorite songst at the moment

Not Ok - The Clay Wilson Band
Something Beautiful - NEEDTOBREATHE
Pursuit of Happiness - Nuno Bettencourt
Pumped Up Kicks - Foster The People
City of Sin - Escape The Fate
Prayer of The Refugee - Rise Against

Oh, and me and my friends worked on songs all last night! I think I might have mentioned it before, but however. It's really... well, I'm happy with what we've done so far, and it helps a lot on the motivation when we're able to get things done. We need a couple of more verses, and then a bridge and outro. But that's not the hardest part, that would be recording the voices. Because he's making me sing as well.
      It's not like I suck. It's more like... I'm not good enough to be bragged about. It's just ok. Alright. Fine enough. But then again, maybe that's enough.

Oh, and something else, a little off topic. There is this norwegian blog community, blogg.no and I tried looking around for something I could comment on or simply being active. Want viewers yourself, make yourself visible in the community.
      I couldn't find... ONE blog... that I found unteressting. Like, I didn't read through all of them, I browsed the main page and looked for some interessting titles or fist lines... but "I hate being sick" under "blah day" wasn't really... well it kills my attention. And I'm not saying that they were bad blogs, I'm just saying... I dont find random people's lives interesting or anything.
      But why would anyone find my life amusing in any way? Well, maybe some people do enjoy taking interest in other people's lives. But not me.

Well, I'll take my leave now. Got a game to finish! Got the goal of it being finished by today, and I got a dinner at my grandparents 16.30 so time is limited! Screw education, let's make games...

My bedroom walls are mostly my drawings, pluss a couple of posters by my bed. I got The Hobbit, a map of middle earth, Howl's moving castle, Tales from Earthsea, Skyim and Oblivion game maps and a drawings.

I don't think I mentioned it, but in the fall semester, I will be moving about 7-8hours (by car) away from my hometown. I am attending the Danvik FHS, the writing author line thingy.

At first, I was really happy to get away from here. This city has brought so much bad to my life, especially lately. But then again, there are some things I'm REALLY going to struggle without. First, I know this place. I know of most the people, I know where what kind of people hang out, I know where things are (usually) and I know how things work.

Secondly, I'm going to have a hard time without my family. In so many ways, getting away and getting a chance to stand on my own two feet, it'll be amazing I guess. But having people constantly around me, then all of a sudden... well there will be people around I guess, but it wont be the same.

I'll miss my cats. I know it sort of sounds like I'm kidding or something, but I'm honestly not. I am almot addicted to my cats, in a very unhealthy way. Well, some unhealthy ways, like, I can't stand missing them and just going to school makes me wanna cry a little. At the same time, I am this connected because of what my cats have ment to me. But I guess I'm also a little crazy, so simply calling me a crazy cat lady will do it.

I'm not actually insane tho. Just... whatever.

I'm going to miss those few people that I know wont hurt me. Like, my good friend Stian that was visiting me today. We're sort of in a two man band, and we're having so much fun doing what we do as soon as we get to it. We're making a song that's about... the feelings that occour after a lousy relationship. Sort of a contrast, pretty dream cross angry tell of reality.
      He's making me sing, whitch is really uncomfortable, but at the same time, SO FUN.
I'll miss him a lot. I will miss my girlfriends, Lili and Ragnhild. I will miss my friends at GAME, Kristoffer, Thomas, Marita, Pippo, all of them. Even those I don't really meet that often.

I will miss a few of my classmates, Mona, William, Pijus, and schoolmates, like Fredrik, Aleksander, Malin, Maren, Morten... even those I don't know that well, like Hans Olav aka Solo, Runar and Sebastian (Sebb).

I know I'm mentioning a lot of names that means little, or nothing, to you. And I'm probably forgetting a lot of people. By forgetting, I mean, I don't know if I should mention them or not, cause there is a lot of people I should mention and a lot that I did mention but shouldn't have. Made sence? no? good.

The chanses of any of them reading this is low. I mean, dead low. The people reading this thing are mostly my shrink (Heia Ane *smilefjes), maybe my "special" friend, and some randoms who's just looking through blogs in search for a good one.

Now, this got long and tiresome, so I'll stop now. I just had to... let some of it out. I'm feeling sick about all of this, and I've gotten some pretty... uncomfortable reminders from my old life. People that wouldn't mind me going away forever. Events that I'll never feel good about.

From now on, I will be more real and honest at this blog. Simply because no one is really reading, except from previous mentions. But I wont be all "they spread lies about me buhu". I hate that. I will tell you, "they blame me for things I didn't do and it sucks". THE END.

Oh yeah, about that "I'll stop now"

Alright, after giving it some thought, it's time I either get real or get lost about my other blog, MDTgamer. And I have chosen to get real with it.

I'm not made for making reviews really. I can make them, but I don't think I should. However, there is something else I could do with it.

MDTgamer will, from now on, mainly focus on being my gaming blog about me creating games. I have absolutely no intention of stopping with Scy, and after it's done, I have the will to continue making more.

Sometimes, I'll probably make a short review or something like that. Short ones. Because I'm not good with long texts, it seems.

So there you go! Oh, and finally, just a image of the work I'm doing in Twine!

At the moment, I'm making a interactive story game, using a program called Twine. Basically, it makes a text based game where you nagivate the story by making choises, selecting one of those you are presented with.

Now, the story can be amazing as damn, but few people would want to go throught all the differnt endings and story twists if they have to only watch white text on black background. That, dear strangers on the internet, is where you come in.

No time limit and no preassure, just play through the story as far as it's finished, textwise, and give me a wink if you see something you'd want to illustrate to. A character, a place, landscape, happening, anything really. Example, I need a "GAME OVER" illustration for when the player is shred to pieces by a cave monster. Maybe the shadow of the beast leaping towards the player with the GAME OVER text in the middle? Whatever suits your imagination.

However, there is no pay in this what so ever. I am simply a poor student with a lot of spare time, so contributing is all optional. Of course, you will be credited, but that is as far as I can go, giving you anything. Well, you'd have acsess to the most recent update at any time, and to the description notebook in my easynote.

All links and information that aren't here will be granted as soon as you tell me you're interessted, and your work will be shown to all the people I bother and force through my social networks (whitch is most of them) and whatever I can think of.

I really need your help, so I'd be forever grateful!

Sincirely, MDTweb / MDTlore / Shadow mi Ikira deVavhena

Hey, I'll have to be short with you guys because I have a lot to do right now. I haven't been very good at blogging lately, mainly because I have other stuff to do (oh I don't prioritize you, buhu). In school, as a norwegian assignment, I have to have a blog with a lot of stuff, and it got to be finished with 1000words all together, pictures and video, do friday.

Honestly tho, I actually kind of like it. When I first came to reason of what I was going to do about it (I'm making games and blogging about it), I started doing it without so much sass, and people commented, saying they liked it! Felt really nice, so I got motivated to do a good job at it.

At the same time, I am making a game. It's sort of a mix between Zork and Dungeons and Dragons I think... More like an interactive story, where you, as the player, decides (OH MY GOD MY MOM CAME UP TO ME WITH SOUP AND CAKE *NOMNOM*) where to go, what to do and what to say, by choosing between different... well choises. As an example, the first choice of yours is if you'll go into the city, or walk away. That is probably the biggest desicion in the game, as those choises have their own, massive story unfolding as you pick.

I am also slightly planning another game, a psyciatrist (or however it's spelled) simulator, sort of. Wont tell you too much about it tho, you might steal my idea and I wouldn't like that very much.

ANYHOW, this, pluss homework and social life, family and things that are actually my hobbies, like gaming, reading and OFC writing, all of this makes my day a little hectic. But I enjoy every single bit. Slightly.

Anyhow, here is the link to the norwegian blog about my game (will make one in english if there is need for it, maybe just make the MDTgamer into the english version of it).

When I come to think about it... I actually have nothing interessting to write about when it comes to blogs. I mean, shall I write about me shopping and baking muffins with my friends? Or my cat?

Most blogs that I've seen has some sort of theme. Fashion, life, baking or something like that.
I could never.
I have absolutaly no clue when it comes to fashion, neither have I any interesst.
Life? hahahahahaha yeah... people want to read about my life. sure.
Baking? I like food and stuff, but I wouldn't care to share it with you so neh.
Hey, I could write about my cat, but tho being adorable like damn, he's not that interessting really.

So what's left?
I need to make a blog as an assignment in norwegian class at school, then, what about?

Sometimes I wish people actually bothered answering me..
oh well.

For once, I am adorable without being a tired cutie.
Or well I am, but shhhhhhh...
Can't sleep, high pulse and never safe. She's not ok.

Anyhow, I decided to be cute. So I try.