They tell you to walk away.
To choose your battles.
To know when to just give up and accept it.

I have never been good at giving up. I believe that when I finally start truly giving things up, then I'll just continue doing it. And I don't like the thought of that.

However, I have learned a bit about choosing my battles. I no longer bother to discuss music taste, smoking or drinking with my friends. I no longer BOTHER to talk to people when they go all "oh, i feel sorry for myself because everyone hates me".

I don't have much energy left to do anything. In many ways, the human instinct of survival is the only think holding me up. Well that, and a few stars in the darkest corners of the endless nightsky.

When I get pissed off, tired and sad, it's easier for me to see things from other peoples point of view. I understand most of it. I just don't have energy left to care. And that's where I am right now.

Truth be told, I have already given up. I have given up school, I have more or less given up the tought of friends that stick around forever, and I've given up happy endings. Yet I try.
I don't really... believe... in anything anymore, myself least of all.
But I have a slight hope.
I have a few dreams.

Silly, right....

For some time... I kinda had this... how shall I put it... this thought, about me being amazing on my own when everyone turns their back at me. And I truly miss the time when... I still believed in that.

If you slip me open you'd truly see a split between what I want. And I'm guessing that is part of the reason why I feel so... messed up. Do I want to be amazing on my own, being a great creator and awesmoe to the limits... or do I want to be the person that's truly a part of something more?

Why not both?

Well... so far, it doesn't seem like I know how to do that. I tried... I've tried for almost 2,5 years now. I can't do both...