Lately, and by lately I mean months really, I have been a lot more... angry, compared to what I used to be. It's motsly about my idiot classmates, being simply the most idiotic human beings, if not quite nice people, I have ever met.

The amount of idiotic bullshit that blabs throught their duckfaced mouths makes me want to kill myself on a daily basis. Not even a joke, out classroom is on the fifth floor and there is about... i dont know, 15-20 meters fall from the window. I want to jump that window so badly when they start talking.

Not only that though. MOST THINGS piss me the fuck off... not even things I'd usually care about, but now...
My parents piss me off, my shrink piss me off, my boyfriend piss me off, my best friends piss me off, even my fucking cats piss me off. Even stuff, like candy or a bottle of water. My head feels like exploding and I think I'd be able to murder someone some day if I finally reached my limit.


I dont want to be this angry all the time... I really don't.
It's like... I can't go outside cause it pisses me off too much!

Someone would probably say that this type of anger is some sort of supressed grief. I dont have a response to that... well yeah, I do.
It fucking pisses me off.

In fact, every turn of that conversation would piss me off.

I decided to be ok. I decided to feel good, and to be... you know, happy.
That didn't work out that well, most of the time.
I have been facing a lot of tough decicions lately, most of them about what I am willing to tolerate, and of what I consider being too much.
I have been thinking about how to think, how to feel, and how to behave.
I have decided roads to walk, places to end up in, and other times... not.

Lately have been both easy and tough. It's confusing, simple as that. Simply confusing. Great songtitle... not really, fuck...

_____________________________________________________________________
Bottom line is, lately I've been facing a lot of things that I dont nessecarily want to face. I have been mushing my head in the choice of my battles, and I've struggeled a lot more with people, sorrow, anger and confusion.

Deep inside I really wish I could just... break down and get it over with. Kinda like vomiting when you're filthy drunk I guess. You sit over the toilet, it's painful and delightfully hell, then you get it all out, you pass out on the floor, and the next day you feel so much better.

I can't force myself to break down. Like not being able to vomit when it's conveniant. I guess I'll just have to hope that when it finally comes to it, I'll have a trench to vomit in.