I don't know why, but I feel like breaking down. I feel like collapsing on the ground, screaming my lungs out and my throat to blood. I feel like running away, far far away, even from the things that make me happy.

Yet all I can do is to sit quietly with my head in my hands, slowly massaging my temples in frustration. I feel .... EXTREMELY alone right now. I feel .... unforfilled.
It's like I'm so close to having it all .... and yet I can't feel it. It's like looking at the sun without feeling the heat and it's killing me.

I don't know it it's like this, but I think that maybe ... maybe it's a mix between me moving and my standard "don't-get-hurt" reflex that I'm withdrawing emotionally. Every time I've been really happy, I just somehow .... stop feeling anything. It's weird and I don't like it!
The most sucky part is the fact that the people I really care about ... the people that make me happy ... they just ...I feel like they're slipping through my fingers like sand on the beach. I can barely feel them anymore, like there is some sort of wall between us.

Will I ever stop running away?