OH GAWD I DONT REMEMBER HOW I USED TO BLOG BEFORE ;-;

I think I was a lot more .... negative, and at the same time, deeper and more real. Now I usually just come up with a bunch of excuses of why I haven't done this and that, but I used to talk about how it feels like to be beaten down by the world.
Not sure if it's a good thing or not.

I guess having a real theme of the blog would kick me off to something good, but I don't reall feel like it. I'm not a very .... themed person.... I think.

Anyways, I totally suck again since I haven't gotten my lazy ass out of the house yet. I have to go to a photagrapher to get a picture for my visa card, then the bank, then the other thingy MAYBE if I could only find that fucking gift card, and then ... umm.... I don't know. Go home and try being useful?

I definetley have to start packing real soon, it's less than 2 weeks left.
I should be more nervous than this I think, but I suspect my feelings to have gone in lockdown, as they usually do to protect themselves. What a sucky ability....
It really isn't much fun to do that, and I'm not even doing it on purpose. When I am overwhelmed with feelings, and I somehow get scared or something, then I more or less.... freeze my feelings and lock them down. Like christmas.
WOW I HATE CHRISTMAS.
It's because of the gifts, mostly. I love getting gifts and stuff like that, but I totally suck at showing that I'm happy, thus making me wanna die.

That was actually more unrelated than I had expected.....
I miss my darling.

Alright, the buss leaves in 10 min so I'll have to get my ass moving!
Later loved ones!