It was random and rather unexpected ...
I just sat here ... then I felt a sting in my chest... pain. Sadness.
And I glanced upon what I have always glanced upon in moments like theese. And I took the blue box that contains my personal painkillers, and I just sat there and stroked the newly sharpened blade on one of them.

I haven't felt like hurting myself in a long, LONG time. The thought haven't even crossed my mind.
So why now?
Why the sudden urge to do what I know is no use?
Why the sudden urge to do what I think is stupidity?
Why now, when I haven't felt it in such a long, long time?

I am not gonna hurt myself.
I'm not gonna do that mistake.
But why do I feel so stongly about it?

I can feel my mind being blinded by the negative lies that I fear the most. I can hear the voices shouting at me ... all the things I never wanna hear.
Why now?
Nothing really happened, I just sat down and I felt ... devestated! Why the fuck now?!
It's frusterating ...
What the fuck...?