I figure .... In the end, you're really just alone.
Once again I find myself in a dark place. It feels so hopeless to even try anything, yet I feel like the thirst for achievement is the only thing keeping me awake.
I have a problem when I comes to achieving stuff. I feel like I really need to do it, if not, I'm not worth a damn.

Does any of you ever feel like that?

Also, I'm really sick of working on my own. It feels like I have no one, as I spend the lonely hours of creation in the dark company of my own insanity.
There are moments where I forget who I am.
I forget the world I was made of.
And I forget all the people that are involved.

I traveled far to get a new start, only to realize nothing had changed.
I realized that problems stay with you, no matter how far you go.
I realized that ... once you've truly felt deep down, it's heavy work to get out.

I am really not doing that well, not even at my new school. I hate the people, the system, the lessons, pretty much all of it. There are times where I hate my new friends as well.
WHY!?
Why couldn't I just ... get over it. Get over the fact that I haven't done anything, and then actually got off my depressed ass and done it!!
I have been giving small puches on my website, publishing little pieces of work whenever I felt like it. It's not like I can't do it, it's just that I can't make myself find the time.

I hate the fact that I haven't done anything worth bragging about yet, and I hate the fact that I'm obsessing about it. Why can't I just stay in the moment?
Live now, and love what's in front of me?
Is it really impossible for one with my way of thinking?

I'd always choose to be smart over happy, but ... does it really have to be this ... rough?