With a word count on over 10,000 words I can't say I'm thrilled with the idea of starting all over again. BUT there is this thing that keeps happening as I'm writing, and that is the feeling of a plot not fully ... making sense. I'm trying to base the story on the things that I know and all but I'm having a hard time doing it in a believable way. I tried to make some obstacles that I don't personally know of, thus I'm having a hard time making it ... well, good!

I'm about to change the essence of the plot once again, and I'm not sure how interesting it's going to be when I write the story more true to reality. I wanted to see the characters grow, but in order to do that I would need to set them back further than I actually wanted. It's not a good feeling, knowing I'll have to start from 0 words again. From 10,000 to 0. If you collect all the words I've put down for this story, I've probably written the book 5 times already. This writer's life ... it's depressing like this, haha. 

I'm starting to wonder if I'll just have to restart the story a million times before it feels right, and even then I wonder if I'll be able to finish it. In a way, words are easy to put down. I've probably written words worth tons of books on my blogs and notebooks throughout the years. To think that I kept running so far without actually getting somewhere ... 

Makes me want to run further, but to keep track of the direction now. Makes me want to stake out my path and run down it, instead of these hopeless circles. Do you understand how I feel?

I have this unhealthy hobby where I tend to compare myself to others. A LOT. Lately it's been to the entertainment industry in Korea, and I guess it's because I identify a bit more with them than Norwegians and other western culture. I feel quite comfortable and happy with the asian culture that I've experienced thus far. 

Generations of entertainers are moving on, and in a couple of years the people that debut on stage will be born around my time. The ones that are currently debuting dwell around the early 90's for the most part, with the occasional magne that's like 13 years old (I'm looking at you SEVENTEEN). But in a couple of years, people my age will kick off their dreams and journey. I'm aiming to kick off my dreams with them, somehow. Not because I want to be in the same industry, but because I went to rise up with them none the less. Is that crazy? 

I already see people younger than me work harder and reaching further, but I'm trying not to focus on that. I'm thinking of those that are my age, who are now training to debut and truly reach for their dreams. I'm thinking of them, and as I go back and restart on my works once again, I'm thinking that as long as I keep running, I'll catch up on them.