TheKaless

I firstly want to note that I've had a bit of wine. Crappy spelling is a thing that will happen. Sorry. 

Alright so be prepared for a bit of a long post about stuff that I'm thinking about. 

Relationships

Ok so I've been thinking. I'll make a video about this, but I need to think about it before I film anything or the recording will just be a massive mess. 

I haven't been in a relationship for about 8 months now. That's the longest I've been 100% single since I started dating. I wont lie. I've dated several guys since I started dating, and I'm not all that proud of it. Am I easy? Nah, but also yes. I'm a romantic, so I easily fall in love. I've also felt a bit insecure about myself, so I've felt a lot happier with a person, knowing that they like me. I enjoy being in a relationship. I take it a bit seriously. 

That has been one of the main reasons for why I've been wanting to be single for a while now. I needed time to focus on me and get myself in line. Get a grip of my own life and my own needs, grow as a person and figure stuff out. I really needed that, and even though it's been boring and lonely, I've definitely found some of the things I was looking for. 

Recently I've found more confidence and I've been giving myself experiences and quality time to enhance my life and it's quality. I am better now. 

I think my opinions about relationships have three stages. 

1. I don't want one. 

2. I want one. 

3. I don't really mind either way. 

For a long time I was at the 1st one. Then, for a while after the last one I've felt like I didn't want one because I had shit to figure out. I'm still a bit more on the 1st one but I'm slowly but surely moving on to the 3rd one. Not minding means that I'm ok on my own, but I'll be happy to be in a relationship as well. Depending on the relationship, ofc. I still don't feel anywhere close to a proper one. But a casual, cute and fun one? I'm getting closer to the point in my life where I could do that. It's nice to be single though. Not having to work so hard for the other person. 

I mentioned before that I'm a romantic person. I love romance, and I have those daydreams of romantic moments and cute relationships that are so far from reality that it's actually breaking my heart. 

I'm losing my train of thought because you know ... wine. 

I guess I need to continue this at another time, but you know ...  relationships. 

I sort of think about one a lot but at the same time, I know I'm still not quite there where I could have one. I just think that guys are cute and I watch too many romantic series and shit. 

I think about love a lot. 

I always have. Just because it's interesting and emotional and all the stuff that makes me think of it.

I'm a romantic. 

A romantic fool at that. 

And I'm also drunk on wine. 

Have a good night, love~

Hello, my darlings! 

I lost 2 subscribers. Saaaaad face. 

I got a couple videos filmed that are ready to be edited but that is an extremely awkward thing to do at school, so I guess I'll have to wait until I get home. They're still filmed on my phone though ._. Got to get around to fixing the camera. 

Tomorrow I shall host a girl's night at my house with two if my friends. We'll watch Disney movies, wear face masks and whatever else to make us feel goooooood. Girl's nights are gold. I also need to get some wine, I believe. 

In addition to that, I bought my tickets for a quick trip to Oslo at the beginning of Noveber. There shall be an expo of games and there shall be sushi with friends. It shall be glorious! I'm actually super duper looking forward to it because I'll get to drink orange cream soda, eat sushi, buy ingredients for korean food and see my travel buddy again. 

Excited cat is excited! 

These days there are many small things bothering me. Overall I've been feeling better for quite a while now, and I haven't had as many issues with myself and my self esteem. Now there are only those little things that keep me low. 

Not having a good time at school.

Being kinda lonely. 

Not being on weave length with anyone really. Like I'm not at the same stage in mind and opportunity as anyone. Kinda sucks. 

Pretty tired. Got back into the sad habit of not being able to sleep well again. 

At least I got back into playing some games that I like, and I started to think more about where I want to go and how to get there. I have a couple of fun things planned out for the fall and then there shall be christmas and snow and all that stuff. Winter will soon be upon us, and if you didn't know, the Norwegian winter is like 5 ish months long. Then there are about 4 months that are cold and full of rain. We have 3 months that are fairly warm (and by that I mean above 10C). I mean, welcome to Norway! 

But yes; the little things that are keeping me a little gray. Not really anyone to fault for it, it's just one of those sad facts and I'm not really sure of what to do about it. 

I just wish I got comfortable with people easier. That I could feel the closeness of a friendship sooner. Sure I've had my fair share of shitty friendships and relationships of different kinds, but I don't feel particularly scarred by any of it. I just want to be able to make good friends. Fun friends. And I wish it didn't take so long for me too feel connected and to feel close and comfortable.

Then again, I guess that could be a good thing too. 

Damn, I'm really writing fast right now. Would be a good time to write on my book I think. I'm writing fast, I got my mind full of thoughts that I could convert into a story and I've also got the "feel" of writing right now. Too bad I seriously need to try and get some sleep. If I can't, and I end up rolling back and forth for hours like last night, then I'll pick my laptop back up and write on my book. Sounds like a good deal to me.